Kim Kabar, LMFT

Many of my clients have never felt peace with the sex they were assigned at birth or being told who they can love. Many learned early in life, however, that to live authentically was to risk being rejected by family, friends, classmates and society, as a whole. Human species are wired for connection. One of the greatest threats to our ability to survive in this world is to be rejected by one’s own species. As a child, fear of being left to fend for oneself is a cause for certain survival behaviors, including hiding or detaching from our true identities, avoiding conflict and being perpetual people pleasers and/or “conflict avoidant” to be developed and honed.

Within this hostile binary and heteronormative system, negative beliefs about oneself, others and the world are seeded. “I’m a disappointment,” I can’t be me” “I am disposable,” “No one will love me,” and “The world is unsafe” are several beliefs seeded within identity rejection trauma. Gender dysphoria, anxiety, depression, dissociation, addictions, eating disorders, self-harming and suicidal ideation are common among the population I serve. I also am honored to work with neurodiverse individuals, including people who struggle with autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Maybe therapy is your last hope. That’s OK. Even a sliver of hope at the start of our journey is enough. That hope will serve as our light as we work together as therapist and client. With each step, including the one that led you here, the light will brighten.

The journey toward living authentically within any hostile environment is to embark on the hero’s journey. I am honored to be part of your journey.

My Clients

Most of my clients have been struggling for a long time before deciding to seek therapy. The desire to escape the pain of living with anxiety, depression, gender dysphoria, hypervigilance and self doubts leas many of and many of my clients to self-sooth through a variety of ways including eating, drinking, gaming and shopping too much. Many will enter, return or remain in painfully toxic or loveless relationships in attempt to avoid entering into a space where the focus is upon oneself. How we feel about our gender identity and affectional orientation, including those who identify as poly amorous or non-monogamous and/or are within the kink community, play a vital role in how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the choices which we make in life.

Many of my clients enter therapy feeling emotionally bruised and mentally exhausted. It takes an incredible amount of strength to ask for help, especially within a society indoctrinated into believing that identifying within the LGBTQIA+ community is a “choice.”

My clients learned at a young age to hide their feelings and adopt the norms of a hetro-normative binary system as a means of survival and as a means of advancing and navigating through the world. Most of my clients were continuously taught, nudged, prodded and constrained during childhood to fit as closely as possible to the expectations of the sex assigned them at birth, including loving the opposite sex. Fear of rejection has often forced many of my clients to making daily contextual calculations to optimize their sense of safety and wellbeing, to fit in and to meet the expectations of their family, friends, classmates, significant others and community.

The fear of being rejected via shaming and threats of ostracism by family, hostile workplace environments and trans- or homophobic rhetoric within politics and media has seeded within my clients many negative beliefs that often include, “I can’t trust my feelings,” “I am wrong,” “The world is unsafe” and “Something is wrong with me.” If you battle with feelings of inadequacy, the need to “perform” (whether socially, academically, professionally or within intimate relationships), social anxiety, hyper-vigilance, mistrust of others and suicidal ideation, I can help.

Exploring one’s gender identity and affectional orientation within the safe, non-judgmental framework of psychotherapy can provide a vital opportunity for self-knowledge and self-acceptance.